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Wednesday - 8th.March.2006

Subject:fun, fun, fun...
Time:2:56 pm.
Grave's Disease... you want it, i got it. yeah baby!

started really noticing a difference 8-10 months ago with tremors. shortly after tremors came a noticeably rapid heart beat and regular palpitations. some others i've felt for a while, some as long as i can remember like high body temp and high blood pressure. i think i've been in denial about the blood pressure thing. attributing it to nervousness at the procedure. that and dad, i was told, always freaked at the procedure as well. anyway, diagnosed more or less officially in December, my doctor suspected it in September.

if you look at the symptoms list, there are 21 and i have 17ish of them. just took a pill or radioactive iodine today. tomorrow we see how efffed up my gland is. from there we determine treatment. personally i'm hoping for surgery. that way i can have a cool-guy scar on my neck and can say i got it fighting vampires or shark wrangling.


OOO-rah!

other links:
mayo clinic... not the spread
web md
bay area doctor
health square
Comments: 1 thing said or say something.

Monday - 27th.February.2006

Subject:been a... yeah, i know...
Time:6:28 pm.
so, got a nudge as it's been forever+1 since i've been here. so, here i am. with nothing to say at the mo.
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Tuesday - 29th.March.2005

Subject:34...
Time:5:17 am.
happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me-ee... happy birthday to me.
i hope you didn't stumble on this looking for some dreamy dreary melancholy romantic retrospective of the first 34yrs of life. cause you ain'a gonna find it here. will be spending the day at work, then waiting until 10pm for my sweetness to get home from work. life's been funny since January, lots to keep up with, lots of rapid changes i wasn't necessarily prepared for. but that's the fun stuff, the flavor, right? found, and was found by, a remarkable brilliant beautiful dead-sexy young woman (finally!!!). changing schools and getting fucked by the cg institute. future plans all akimbo and in the air. yessir, a strange and frighteningly interesting time. yet, madly all a-bliss at the same time.

sorry to have kept my dedicated readers out of the loop. dedica... hello? readers? anyone... hello?

shit. this was all i didn't really want it to be: dreamy, dreary, melancholy, romantic AND retrospective. though, a saving grace, in condensed form. more coffee, a smoke or two, then off to work. did i happen to mention that Compy386 is now in a basement lair? yeah, because of kids and roommate winter being too freaking cold to smoke outside (though now "over" officially) and what-not, the basement has become the smoking lounge, command center, corporate headquarters, underground lair, bat cave, seat-of-power, sub terra machina incognito, ready room, AMU (american military university) - UOP (university of phoenix) annex, room 213 (you don't need to know), cavernus cavernosum, music room, funhouse, romper room, entertainment center. it's true.

well, waxing late. got to go do some good.
Comments: 3 things said or say something.

Friday - 4th.March.2005

Subject:been a while, again...
Time:12:09 am.
haven't checked in with you in a while. there's good reason. found something so important as to rivet my attention completely, seriously, most every waking minute. excepting those i'm... well... taking care of personal business. fell in love, you see. grand mal. big time. the real thing. happened almost completely by accident, taken unawares. not looking. broad sided. whammy.

so since around the 3rd of January i haven't been where i used to call home: the apartment. i stop by every couple of days to check mail and make sure nothing's burned down. but that's it. slowly been moving possessions here (the house a.k.a. home) over the last month or so. most of my clothes, here. my computer, here. my heart... here.
Comments: 2 things said or say something.

Friday - 31st.December.2004

Subject:new year's eve...
Time:8:58 pm.
so, here i am, trying to come up with something brilliant and insightful to pass along. some thought-provoking tid-bit or pearl-o'-wisdom to end the old and begin the new with. alas, naught. troubling. worrisome. disquieting. nothing witty, not even a spark of intelligence. flat. barren. desolate.

o wit, where art thou?

ah well, imagine that what you had read instead was a beautiful piece on the human condition. this had best not be indicative of a year without wit, knowledge and intelligence.


pax vobiscum.
Comments: 2 things said or say something.

Subject:GMT?... UTC?... ZULU?...
Time:7:00 pm.
whatev... Happy New Year, Greenwich England. bloody well done.
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Saturday - 25th.December.2004

Subject:so, merry x-mas...
Time:6:02 am.
and remember: it's not what you buy, but how you keep the season.

some would say this phrase originates in those, like me, who are mostly broke and nowhere near (geographically) their immediate family. much the same as the phrase: it's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game is speculated to be entirely the product of losers.
Comments: 2 things said or say something.

Sunday - 5th.December.2004

Subject:als als wik...
Time:7:15 pm.
interesting to note that at both buffalo/niagara intl (BUF) and even chicago o'hare (ORD) there was a preponderance of small airliners. you know, the little guys with the engines tucked up near the tail. like this little guy. BUF seemed entirely peopled by them. ORD had a few of the big fellas but not many. it wasn't until i made it to los angeles intl (LAX) that i saw the big boys again in the numbers i'm used to seeing. also interesting to note that delays are up... big time. ignore the fact that the boards say "on time"... trust me. on my way out to Cali i had one from BUF to ORD of maybe 15-20 minutes. the flight home, however, was a different story. both flights were off by 30 minutes or more. being something of a weirdo and having flown just about every 6 months since 2000, you get to know that they board 30min before a flight's listed departure. you also know, and the industry advises, to be there an hour+ early to get through security. so i plan on these things when budgeting my travel time... taxis at buffalo, negotiating the 405 in LA etc. not this time. both times the 30min mark came and went. both times we boarded at or after the listed departure time. from ORD to BUF going home, people were getting off the plane that was to take us home 5-10 minutes after we were to have departed on it.

like i said, i'm something of a weirdo and i notice weird goings-on. maybe it's not so much of a weird thing, the types of planes and the delays. just seemed to really stick out this time around. something that seemed to speak of the cut-backs et cetera that the airlines are having to employ to remain afloat since you-know-when. though i can't complain on the subject of airfare. the first time i flew home in 2000 i paid around $625 round-trip. the November after 9/11 i paid $232... and the price (east coast to west coast) hasn't risen since.
Comments: 1 thing said or say something.

Saturday - 4th.December.2004

Subject:so there i am... again...
Time:7:09 am.
sitting in fronta tha machine. home safe-n-sound. missed seeing a bunch of people. still haven't quite figured the best way to work leave logistics. at any rate it was good to get away. Cali was damn near as cold as buffalo. seems i brought a little of the not quite great white north with me. though, for some odd, last day there was sunny and warm. standing in the LAX terminal four parking structure with a 72 degree sun shining on my back... man oh man. came home to a light dusting (maybe an inch?... maybe more?) of snow... figures.

got a chance, thanks to a pregnant cousin, to see Metallica and Godsmack at the Anaheim pond Saturday the 27th. they (s'pose i could say we?) had floor tix. were close enough so the guy in front of me could be handed... yes, handed... a drum stick by Lars Ulrich. got my self a guitar pick from Kirk Hammett. cool set-up in that it was a theater-in-the-round deal and the stage made a 360 (turning ever so slowly) during the performance. only problem was the sound quality... stank remarkably. don't know if it was the pond's equipment or my proximity to the stage or what. all muffled and thick. i had a hard time, even being a decently devoted fan, identifying most of the songs at their beginning... sad that. got a bit carried away and made a picture frame-shadow box type thing for my ticket, floor wristband and pick. call me crazy.

pumpkin soup?... killed it.

nice to be home, i think... tell you in a day or two.
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Thursday - 18th.November.2004

Subject:so there i was...
Time:8:34 am.
going home for thanksgiving. yeah, going home. thanksgiving. pumpkin soup, stand by for pumpkin soup genocide.
Comments: 2 things said or say something.

Thursday - 28th.October.2004

Subject:not-a-riot and implications...
Time:12:24 am.
don't know whether or not i have any right to comment on this current event. we're all entitled to our opinions but we're all also entitled to keep our mouths shut when a) we don't know what we're talking about and b) when it has nothing whatsoever to do with us. the bane and blessing of the internet, i suppose, is that we feel none of the aforementioned applies to us. nevertheless, and in spite of what i've just said, i continue. the young woman that was recently killed in what is not described as a riot. it's sad that there are those who die for no reason, it's sadder still that we, as self-described thinking beings, look to place blame. the word blame should be placed on the naughty-if-you-use-it list. ban the word. remove all record of the word's existence.

so, to the point already. as a people we have secured the right to gather peacefully. as a people we have charged others with the authority and duty to maintain the peace. seldom will these two rights ever coincide. there's just something i can't get my brain around: the attempt to look at a gathering where store windows are being smashed, bottles thrown and cars overturned or set ablaze and call it a peaceful or constitutionally protected gathering. the moment the first bottle flies or the first window is smashed any coherently thinking individual would be best served by leaving the scene, beating a hasty retreat or otherwise separating themselves from the goings-on. in other words, leave. the moment you decide to remain you decide to give over all rights to the mob. more specifically, you give over your rights as an individual to the duty of those charged with their (the mobs) dispersal.

the city will be sued, i'm sure, and sued erroneously. blame will be placed not on the gathering that got out of control, but on those charged with brining it back under control. in the end, and left unsaid by all, the death of a young woman could have been prevented had she simply walked away when the peaceful, lawful gathering became a mob.
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Subject:quote of the moment...
Time:12:11 am.
"man, you are one twisted fuck."
"nope. i'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose."

kevin spacey & some guy - american beauty
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Friday - 8th.October.2004

Subject:so i borrowed this book...
Time:2:46 am.
ayn rand's atlas shrugged from a friend of mine who moved away. it's one of those books that i don't possess the intellect to read through in one sitting. it's way above me. one of those books that has to be digested over long stretches of time. for reference sake, i'm on page 406 of 1074 and i've had the book for at least two years. the best (simple) single-sentence description i can give it now is "a striking commentary on the modern human condition"... and it's deep. always thought i was better at reading people than reading logic and logical systems. turns out i was sleeping and this book woke me up. just got to the part i'm about to relate and it scared me. scared me in the way a dangerous truth suddenly becomes plain. it seems so appropriate for our current state of affairs. it goes like this:

"There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What's there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted - and you create a nation of law-breakers - and then you cash in on guilt."
© Rand, A. (1957). Atlas Shrugged. New York: SIGNET

what else can you say about that?
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Tuesday - 21st.September.2004

Subject:did i miss something?...
Time:4:59 am.
does anyone else wonder where all these hostages are coming from?
Comments: 7 things said or say something.

Friday - 17th.September.2004

Subject:just checking in...
Time:5:00 am.
had a hiccup with the Institute. result is that i have to update my enlistment information and reschedule a class. so i'm "class-free" for the moment. new fitness program at work taking effect soon. that'll be fun. it's up to us to submit a workout or fitness regimen so i was thinking of checking with a local YMCA to see if they still offer boxing classes. no...not thai-bo or kick-boxing or insert-name-of-latest-fitness-craze here. but honest to god boxing. i need to learn how to fight anyway.
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Saturday - 28th.August.2004

Subject:gpa update...
Time:4:56 am.
with a stunning turn-around A in CIS-319 Computers and Information Processing, our hero has rescued a 3.14 gpa and turned it into a 3.44 cumulative come-back.

i did the math, which i suck at, in earnest and have come up with a terminus of 03-28-2007 for degree completion*. it's a little longer than i wanted but will suffice. i'm already thinking of extending until then. the date fits nicely into a solid year extension, so instead of looking at 04-08-2006 as a release date i'd be active until 04-08-2007 which is mere days after school is wrapped up. cutting it close, i know, but worth it.


* actually they did the math, it's listed on my course/class schedule thus. so, in essence, i lied...sorry.
Comments: 2 things said or say something.

Friday - 27th.August.2004

Subject:internet search project...
Time:4:15 am.
bored browsers, listen up!... you, in the back, you too!...

just watched oliver stone's salvador and am more than a little interested to know what happened to richard boyle. more importantly, i want to know if he ever found maria. the teaser at the end said that she survived and is "rumored" to be at a camp in guatemala. that was circa 1986. google's have turned up nothing. i can't find the pictures that he or john cassady took either.

your mission:
1) find richard boyle/john cassady photos
2) find out if richard boyle was ever reunited w/maria.

good luck, and good hunting...
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Monday - 23rd.August.2004

Subject:almost forgot...
Time:5:05 pm.
before we hit the arena we ambled about a Harley event downtown. spotted an OCC (of American Chopper fame) van but didn't see any of their bikes or crew. ah well. saw plenty of other beautimus two-wheelers. seems i'm a big fan of the Road King Custom but still maintain a very large place in my heart for the Softail Fatboy.

i need to learn how to ride.

stat!
Comments: 3 things said or say something.

Subject:wow...just, wow...
Time:2:47 am.
thanks to friends K and K's Wife i was treated to Sarah McLachlan tonight at the hsbc arena. doesn't matter what you think of her music or the pre-conceived notions you may have: voice, presence, charisma... she has them in spades. the opening act was one i'd never heard of before: Butterfly Boucher (she says BOW-cher not boo-SHAY). she rocked. bought a cd and got it signed. a brit. much fun and very cool....

me: absolutely amazing, thanks.
bb: wow, cheers, thanks.

cool freaking evening. the floor, row 31, just a little to the left of center-stage. nice. bloody brilliant. must think of something super-awesome-cool as payback even though they made me (basically) swear that i wouldn't try.
Comments: 3 things said or say something.

Wednesday - 28th.July.2004

Subject:wow...
Time:11:57 am.
this must be the apocalypse.
okay, not the apocalypse, but my sister is more than likely getting married.
which, by the measure, is close enough to the apocalypse...

awright, no more apocalypse jokes.
it is pretty cool.
and about time.
Comments: 2 things said or say something.

Friday - 23rd.July.2004

Subject:*shudders*...
Time:4:57 am.
so there i am, spending a rainy afternoon between schoolwork and bouts of rollercoaster tycoon, watching some science channel geekfare when this commercial comes on. a piss-on menopause tester. like the pregnancy variety only it's designed to detect menopause.

baby-boomer's are weird.
Comments: 2 things said or say something.

Wednesday - 14th.July.2004

Subject:got a tablet now...
Time:4:21 pm.
not really sure why (yeah right) but went out and picked up a wacom graphire3 tablet. the little 4x5 one cuz it's the cheapest. freaking nice though. i've got flash going on now and i do enough with my pictures that i easily justified the expense. really, it was scary. fast. justification. spooky. was trying to talk myself into the next one up (not size but quality)... the intuos2... but couldn't get that much fuzzy (justifying) logic to work. got to get used to doing pen-n-tablet stuff now. it's pretty freakin cool... just different. never realized just how bloody accurate you can be with a pen.
Comments: 1 thing said or say something.

Sunday - 11th.July.2004

Subject:flash...
Time:3:27 pm.
no. not Gordon...Macromedia. got my hands on a trial version and couldn't put it down. already have a few... uh... experiments posted here on the site. will more than likely be purchasing the full version soon enough.

oh what fun.
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Monday - 14th.June.2004

Subject:woke from a dream...
Time:2:10 pm.
her again. after what?... nine?... ten?... eleven?... thirteen years? if i didn't believe dreams had a telling power i would say i have a problem letting go. oh, that's right, i do. it's just that i swear i haven't been thinking about her lately, so this dream was a bit of a shocker. wtf? what i meanter say was that if you believe dreams are simply a cataloging of the days events then where did she come from? wonder if it would be any easier if i hadn't convinced myself i was going to marry her? what was funny about it was that even in the dream she couldn't bear to touch me.

back out, bitch, i strongly urge you to dismount my skull. you had your chance.

so i guess my question is this?... what would lizard-man do?

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Saturday - 15th.May.2004

Subject:quote of the moment...
Time:8:31 pm.
"sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin."

anger management
Comments: 5 things said or say something.

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